My thoughts on your issues...I guess.

First off I'd like to say that not a single person here is the only one afraid to voice their opinion...at least people think you have one. Another thing is that yes while bashing something is completley rude and hurtful it's definitley not fun to hear about the same thing you don't like all the time. Along the lines of negative feelings towards things if you think it'll cause conflict try to keep it to yourself unless you know you have someone to talk to who would respect you enough to comfort you even if they disagree. after reading your guys blog I've realized I'm jealous. You guys have so much that close friends can only have and while I have close friends I've achieved nothing like the bond you guys have. You guys have your sort of support group to help with problems. I have... I don't know. I never could go to my guy friends about much just didn't seem right and I used to have Terra as a sort of help with my problems. Unfortunatley I've falling away from my close guy firends. I now have only have you guys. Over time I've become closer to the group of friends you guys have but I 'm not quite an emotional part of it and don't quite know if I will ever be. Anyways I don't want you guys pitying me or anything I just wish I had your guys bond...lord knows I do all the time....

P.s. I never gay bash!!!! Just because I get a little annoyed at it is cause people all the damn time are like oh you'll cheat on Taylor with (who cares just some guy). One it hurts because I'm not gay and because the the fact that people joke around about stuff like that hurts. I have lots of insequrities. Also It's because people talk about that all the damn time. Anyways I love you all and I honestly I don,t know......

I'm dead inside and I need help!!!

Latley I've been falling away from everything including myself, my friends, and my life. All I know is I'm starting to hate myself for feeling like this I need love from my friends and most of all Taylor but I'll never get the amount I need while I'm like this. The worst part is I can't help feeling like this , it's beyond my control. I haven't been able to be happy latley and I can't figure out why. I can only hope it'll go away but it would help if you guys had any ideas on how to become happier. I miss the feeling of being close to everyone and I miss being close to Taylor and I need her more than ever. I can't do this on my own but I won't let myself get in anybodys ways I'm not worth the trouble. Anyways deep down somewhere in me I know I can become happy especially with the love of those close to me. I've been really wanting to be close in my relationship to but I can't figure out how to until I'm through this phase. Love you all...most of all Taylor and I need everyone more than ever. I need the love I get from my friends but I also need the love I can only get from Taylor.

Why is all I ask???

I don't get why I have to feel bad all the time. It's not even something I can control all I know is I've been feeling extreme apathy and it's ruining my life right now. I'm never happy even with my friends and I really want to be close with taylor but my damn apathy won't let me. Anyways I need comfot even If I am being bitchy. Love you all.